Surprise! Coming Out!

Paul threw me a surprise birthday party Saturday night. Becaise he sent an invite through facebook (I think), my younger cousins caught whiff of it.

So there I was: shocked and completely flabbergasted at how many people came to the party. Tons of gay men. Then in walked in my cousin, his girlfriend, his best friend, and his best friend's wife. What a nice bonus surprise!

Fast foward. Towards the middle of the party, feeling a little tipsy, I just went for it.

Me: "So, Fernando, in case you're either dumb or blind like me, I'm...gay."

Fernando: "Oh."

M: "Yeah, I told mom and dad a long time ago, it took them a while to get used to the idea, but now they're okay with it. Then I came out to Catherine (a cousin of ours) so she and her husband knows. Now you know."

F: (silencee)

M: "It took me a while to understand it. I know...how can I be a Christian and gay at the same time? It took me years and years of feeling guilty, finally, I decided that...blah blah blah...blardy blah blech...ramble, yakety-yak, diarrhea of the mouth..."

F: "It's okay...I kinda' knew already. You're fine, you're fine."

His girlfriend, his best friend and wife: "Yeah, we know."

M (sweat on my brow): "Whew! Another round for them, please! And put it on my tab!"

My Relatives In The Philippines

Over the weekend, a horrible tropical rainstorm blew through the Philippines. And like Katrina in the US, I ignored it UNTIL-

my parents finally got through on the phone (lines have been jammed.) It affected some of my direct reliaves: in fact, roofs of two of my relatives' houses flew off at the beginning, so it poured rain in their house the whole time.

If you would like to offer any financial donation to my direct relatives, (they're poorer than me!), let me know and send a check out to my parents who will do a wire transfer ASAP:

Ernie and Ellie Deomampo
2601 Willard Drive
Charlottesville, Va.
22903

Please let me know, so they'll know you're my friend and I can get my relatives to write you a thank you card.

If you would like to receive a tax deduction in return, write out your check to:

Covenant church Of God
Under memo wirte "Batangas Christ Ministry"
1025 E. Rio Road
Charlottesville, Va.
22901-1085

If you do this way, 100% of what you give goes straight to the Philippines, no one in the church or in the US gets a dime.

I'm emarassed to ask you for help, but it's my immediate family that that was affected, so I gotta' ask.

Thank you, and even if you can't help, thank you.
Ermie

I Own Many Pieces Of Louis Vuiton.

But over the weekend, I have a new piece de resistance (pictured). But don't be fooled by it's realistic appearance: it's actually a five tier birthday cake.

Cake Artiste: Michelle D. It took her three grueling days of hard work and talent pieceing it together building it layer by layer, then decorating it with such intrinsic detail.

And the best part is that it tastes delicious. Many beautiful cakes taste like cardboard. But not this one- tasty through and through.

Thank you, Michelle. What a wonderful and beatiful way to end my birthday month!

What A Perfect Saturday Afternoon.

I love having a football game on TV. I can't really explain, but it's so soothing. I don't really watch and half of the time, I don't even know who's playing. But it's the noise of the crowd, the announcers, and the commentary that makes it so pleasant to have it on. It's like I'm part of a big event, where thousands, if not millions, of people are relaxing at home, warm and cozy, on the couch with their HDTVs on, watching the game with snacks and beverages, The other family members not interested are in the kitchen or in the living room, hanging out, talking and eating. My favorite network football coverage is on Fox.

Right now in my household, UNC is playing Georgia Tech. Paul's upstairs taking a nap, and Taylor's on the couch beside me sleeping.

It's a nice break, no doctors, no entertaining people, just chillin' like a villian starin' at the ceilin'.

What? !I Can't Hear You! Put It On Mute!

People often complain and wonder why commercial breaks on TV sound louder. Two reasons: 1) They know they have to compete with other dialogue in the room, such as you and other viewers discussing the show, or you talking on the phone. 2) They also know that's when you get up to use the bathroom or head to the fridge,

People with TiVo or DVR don't have to deal with this...goody-good for you, idior box junkie.

Coulda' Shoulda'. Ain't A Prada

Someone wanted to know how to spot a fake Prada bag. It's elementary, my dear Watson, just follow these guidelines:

1. If you bought it in Chinatown or from a man that had it sitting on the sidewalk, it's fake.

2. If it says, "Prado", it's fake.

3. If you picked it up and the shoulder strap came apart, it's fake.

And now the tougher standards:

4. Check the stitching. If it's sloppy, has loose ends, and is not properly aligned, you got punk'd.

5. Check to make sure that the Prada badges are made of metal, not plastic or cloth.

6. Inspect the lining: nearly, if not all, Prada bags have an interior lining and contrast black lettering that says "PRADA 0000 0000" repeatedly throughout the inside.

7. Check the badge located inside the bag: it should say, "PRADA Made in Italy". Nothing else.

8. Inspect the hardware. Prada does not cut corners and only uses the best alloys to make the bag pop. If your bag looks new but the snaps or zippers look cheap or discolored, you got ripped.

9. Make sure it comes with the authenticity card, with the description of the bag matching the color and size.described.

10. Bring it to Ernie. There are tons of fakeys out there. Although I'm nearly blind, I can smell a fake like a drug dog at the airport.

Angels On Earth

I just got off the phone with someone who, in my opinion, could not do anything wrong. This person has touched hundreds, if not thousands, of lives with kindness and generosity and expect nothing in return, except maybe the start of a lasting friendship.

I know some individuals who are like this with nothing but a "servant heart", where their default mode is to help others around them. I truly admire them- they have ears that listen, a heart full of compassion, and a brain that thinks of nothing except improving people's lives.

I wish I could be more like them. They don't get satisfaction from eating, owning things, or earning money, instead, they're happiest when they know they've put a little good into people's lives.

I tip my hat and honor you. You have changed my life for the better, and I am truly grateful and forever indebted to you.

What a fine example you live,
Ernie

Red Letter Birthday

This birthday month has been absolutely wonderful and fantastic so far- I've had such a great time!

A special thanks to my family, Paul, and friends who have made it truly special this year...I am very grateful for you making it exciting and full of surprises!

Love you all,
Ernie

Happy Burfday To Me!

I am 39, I look 29, I think like I'm 19, but I act like I'm 9!

Ain't that the truth!

Fall Fashion For Men Part II

Rather than discussing other trends this fall, let's talk about some fashion rules that some experts in the industry enforce:

1. "Be held accountable for what you wear." (Tim Gunn) If you're wearing a bathrobe, sweatpants and Ugg slippers, don't be surprised if people called you a slob, If your belt doesn't match the color of your shoes, don't be upset if people point at you and whisper. One bad outfit is all that some people need to perceive you as a fashion amateur,

2. "If you haven't worn something once in a year, throw it out." (Carson Kressley) You bought it, why haven't you worn it? Do you think "I'll wear it when I get a chance" or "I'm waiting for the perfect event"? There will never be that moment. If you like it that much, you would have already found a way to wear it. Clean closet hygiene, people, it's not that hard.

3. "Don't dress like Lady Gaga at the VMA's." (Ernie Deomampo)

Fall Sahion For Men Part I

No radical changes this autumn season, just trends from last year continue to become edgier:

*Slim cut jeans: Skinnier, tighter, and more the norm than the exception. Hey, you know it's here and to stay if when Gap is using it as its latest campaign.

*Accesories: Drop the stuffy, uptight briefcase if you are in a casual dress-down office atmosphere. Messenger bags are everywhere, in every price range and every label from J. Crew to Marc Jacobs, to Hermes.

*Colors: A small return to warm colors such as black, brown, and grays. Last year's colorful fall and winter collections are still welcomed, but beige hues and browns are more popular this autumn on dress and casual shoes alike.

*Jackets: Coats that fit like motorcycle jackets are still big this year, even dark brown and black leather ;eatjer cut like a modern day Members Only jacket are big (probably because they go well with your skinny jeans.)

*Vests: Pop your two-piece suit with a vest complimenting your dress shirt. Plenty of choices to be found at stores from Broooks Brothers to Rugby Ralph Lauren. Just make sure it doesn't make your jacket look too small or too tight.

*Watches: Most men in big time corporations are judged by what peeps out of their sleeve. IWC, Jaeger, and Omega are pushing bigger cases and new colored faces aside from the traditional black.

What Happens In Vegas...

makes your head spin and starts a fight between head and heart.

Do you keep on gambling when you're down to recoup losses? Or do you call it quits and walk away? When you're ahead, when do you stop?

Head versus heart.

Should you party like a rockstar and feel the repercussions in the morning? Or do you play it safe by doing your normal routine as much as possible and conform to your rituals back at home?

Head versus heart.

At the all-you-can-eat buffet, with all those enticing fatty foods you try to stay away from, do you indulge or stick to your boring regimen of healthy choices you know you should follow?

Head versus heart.

My drama of head versus heart: as a birthday present, Paul gave me the gift of getting a new murse (man purse).

This one looks hot but it's too small. This one is more functional but says nothing. This one is boring. This one is too flashy. This one looks like a woman's bag. This one's Lous Vuitton. This one is Prada.

Oh, Las Vegas. You crazy, crazy adult playground that pushes people out of their comfort zones, opening their eyes yet hurting their heads.

Where's Ernie's Head?

Caught in a whirlwind, a tornado, of activity in Vegas. This town is mad-crazy, with fashion that can be downright disgusting and touristy to painstakingly inspiring and attractive.

I've been so impressed with some of the younger Asians walking around with their iphones. Especially the Japanese. They wear their clothes so well, and accessorize it beautifully hard with bags from Prada to chunky jewelry from Barney's. Hairstyles so fresh and clean they probably woke up that way.

Back to Ernie's head...sorry for the lack of updates, it's all due to a lack of a laptop as the computer got stuck in a locked-up briefcase.

In a previous blog, I wrote "I'm ready for fall." I'm ready for the festivities, but not the colder weather. Some of the air conditioning in this town is so severely cold that I shimmy like Jello.

I miss my dog. I miss clean clothes. I miss not smelling like a rundown poker room with walls that wreaking of nicotene. But hey, it's Vegas. What happens here, stays here.

Thank goodness.

Most Stressful Cities Part 2

*San Francisco, California
*Carmel, California
*Las Vegas, Nevada
*Monterey, California
*Oakland, California

Why? Because these are places where I am going to be in the next eight days. cauing chaos, wreaking havoc on your children, and terrorizing your neighborhood. Need anything? E-mail or call my cell phone.

Wrap-up so far:
Big Sur: One big nada.
Carmel: Eh.
Pebble Beach: Nice drive, beautiful houses. Definitely a place for wealthy golf players.
Monterey: Me likey! Cute town by the ocean. Good food, good good food.

Most Stressful Cities To Live In

MostMForbes magazine rated all the major cities in the US and put together a list of the most stressful places to live. Their criteria was based on factors such as housing prices, cost of living, populatioin density, and unemployment, but also considered environmental factors such as number of sunny days and air quality.

Most stressful cities:
#5 Providence, Rhode Island
#4 Cleveland, Ohio
#3 New York, New York
#2 Los Angeles, California

And #1- Chicago, Illionis: "The Perfect Storm of Stress"

Least stressful cities:
Fanklin, Texas
San Antonio, Texas
Austin, Texas

Reason: plenty of sunshine, low cost of living, and university cities that keep the economy steady.

(What about 227 North Greenbrier Street?!)

Brace Yourself.

Humor me and play along, please:

Ever since Cabbage Patch Kids were "The Must Have Toy" in Christmas '81, I've always wanted one. And years later when this "it" toy had faded and became available everywhere, I finally got a hold of one. But it didn't feel the same: it was one manufactured in a factory somewhere in China or Japan (probably by some poor 13 year old child). I wanted an original kid, made by hand in Cleveland, Georgia, the original home of the Cabbage Patch Kids.

28 years later, the dream came true: over the weekend, Paul (who bit his tongue to stay silent) and I hopped on a plane, rented a car, and drove to Cleveland and went to "Babyland General Hospital", where the original kids were "delivered" and available for adoption.

There were so many kids to choose from: both girls and boys, with red, brown, blonde, or no hair at all, eyes of blue, brown, hazel, or green, with unique first and middle names and descriptions that made their "personality" come to life.

I fell for one. Hiis name: Arnie Carver. He was a "preemie", "born prematurely in an early frost in the Cabbage Patch."

His smile cracked me up. His tiny and helpless arms were open and screaned, "Please take me home!" I had to have him.

I filled out and signed the "adoption papers", paid the "adoption fee" and received his "birth certificate." In the "adoption office," I was asked to raise my right arm and repeat an "oath to be the best father to him." I conceded.

As hysterical and ludicrous as all this sounds to you, the most ubelievable part follows: because of that oath I took, I feel a crazy-stupid bond to Arnie. I now am embarassingly attached to him, as he sits in his onesie on our living room couch, just smiling away, with big, adorable, and innocent eyes.

His facial expression completey cracks me up!

Happy Birthday Month!

Every year I explain:

My actiual birth day is September 20th, 1970. (Wow, I'm old,) (And crotchety.)

Celebrating it for just 24 hours always felt too short- you sleep for 8 of it, so it ends so abruptly. A birthday weekend or even a birthday week seemed too fast as well. Hopes were high, which led to disappointment. So the whole month is perfect: it's stretched out, with little occasional greetings and small surprises every now and then,

So let the festivities begin! Eat, drink, and go shop!