Friday, October 31, 2008


I was supposed to gain, but I ended up losing weight: 3/4 of a pound.

I don't understand...I did everything right. It frustrates and makes me mad.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Weigh-In Tomorrow

Last weigh-in, I was supposed to gain 4 pounds. The scale said I gained 3.

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to have gained another 2 pounds, for a total of 6. I don't think I made it. I haven't had much to eat the past two days because chemo left me so sick and nauseated.

I guess I'll let the scale do the talking tomorrow. I'll tell you what it said afterwards.

(Working out only three times a week for a half hour is impossible for me. I haven't done that at all. Please don't tell my doctor.)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Fastest Review Of Movies On DVD

"The Visitor"- Uggh.
"Atonement"- Ehh.
"Then She Found Me"- Yay.
"Made Of Honor"- Yawn.
"Never Back Down"- Yuck.
"Married Life"- Hmm...

Monday, October 27, 2008

Give Someone The Finger!

This folks is real: introducing the Shemala Finger! Are your self-massages on sore body parts requiring more pressure? Do you need more than ten fingers to count on? Want to give a movie "three thumbs up"? Just pick up a Shemala finger and all your troubles are instantly solved!

Click here to see for yourself and to purchase!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Which Of These Is Directed At You?

*I saw your hairy n. the other night. It probably continued to your b. I've never seen something like that, not even on an ape.
*It stings that you didn't add me as a friend on facebook- you are one of the very few friends requests that I've sent out.
*I still think of you a lot. I've called you just to hear your voice, then hung up.
*I'm so flattered you think that of me, I had no idea. I'm truly honored. I need to be a better friend to you.
*Your cupcakes aren't just dessert, they're a work of art. I cherished each and every one.
*Mahal kita, Ken Hardly!
*Hi, girl! T. misses you.
*I can't wait until I get more c. from you. It'll be easy for me to gain a pound that week. Love you.
*You my best friend.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Quick Health Update

I don't want to get deep into it, so I'll make it brief (or as my mom pronounces it, "breep"):

*I had MRI's done last week on my brain and spine, results showed no new growths yet no shrinkage.

*My doctor said treatment may last "indefinitely", which made me upset, angry, and every emotion in between.

*I started a new chemo cycle last night (yay for me). It hasn't been 24 hours since I took it and I already feel like garbage.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Oh! Mah! Rosa!

Who's who? Omarosa or Michelle Obama?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Okay, Men, Let's Talk Fall Fashion.

If this entry is an eye-opener for you, then hurry up- you're behind the nine ball.

*This fall, a weak economy calls for a strong wardrobe. And as the weather turns cold, it's all about argyle done sensibly- only on the socks and slim-fitting sweaters. Be sure one of the tri-colors matches another part of your outfit.

*Color- gone are the sad grays and all-black outfits that Manhattan hombres wear as the thermostat goes south. Lighten up with oranges, yellows, and blue long sleeved shirts that don't glow in the dark but can punch up your look and can pair up with beige or white cords.

*Tweed- wisely invest in a non-itchy tweed blazer or coat that will stand the test of time. Go with a gray or dark brown, and fork up the cash to have it custom-tailored to your unique body shape. Don't wear it off the rack: you're not David Beckham or Humpty Dumpty.

*Red Wings- the working-class shoe is now outfitting the finer gentlemen everywhere. Choose a lace-up that exudes masculinity in either lmedium or dark brown, that can be worn casually at work or stomping around the yard on the weekend.

*Peacoats- for four years and running, a trim-fitting peacoat has been required to finish your fall look. Top it off with a dark-colored skull cap for that nautical Cape Cod flair.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Miracle On Greenbrier Street

For once, in over nine months, I don't feel tired, I don't feel exhausted, dizzy, drowsy, or confused. My eyes don't feel heavy, my head's not hurting, I'm not lethargic, hormonal, or punchy. I feel normal. I feel like me. I feel like Ernie.

Miracles do happen.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I Went Shopping Over The Weekend And Saw This

I hope it's because you work there.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Fortunately, No Wardrobe Malfunctions.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

My Name Ain't Baby, It's Janet, Ms. Jackson Since I'm Nasty!

Well, I'm allegedly watching her in concert Wednesday night at 7:30PM at the Verizon Center, providing she doesn't cancel. She's pulled out of so many dates of her "Rock Witchu" Tour due to a "mystery illness", making me skeptical about tomorrow night.

(If you ask my opinion, she don't look so good either in her concert tee, pictured.)

Monday, October 13, 2008

Tuesday's Elmo Live Day

"Elmo Live" goes on sale bright and early Tuesday morning. Media and press in the UK are already reporting overnight sleepers in front of stores.

Here are the purchase limits in the USA:

*Toys R" Us- one per customer

*Target- two per customer

*Wal*Mart- no limits

*K-Mart- no limits

The more Elmos you buy Tuesday, the more Elmos you sell and make money, making Christmas even more greedy and bright!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Paul's grandfather's health has deteriorated, so we're heading to outside of Atlanta to visit him this weekend. Paul's sister from Green Bay, his brother from Japan, and his mom and dad from Kabul, are all meeting us there to visit.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Just Curious How Well You Know Peanuts.

If you can name 'em all, please e-mail me with your answers.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Since I Am Not A Fan Of Small Talk, I'm Just Going To Say It.

My doctor changed the "recommendation" to an official "prescription," making my need to gain weight a command I have to follow. But there's no way I can gain a pound a week for twenty weeks at the rate I'm going. No matter how hard I try, it's difficult to expand my stomach to fit more food...either I start feeling nauseated or the food in front of me gets old and cold. The only thing I can think of is to eat high-fat, calorie-dense foods like nuts, Five Guys burgers and fries, or Krispy Kreme donuts.

And the whole gym "three times a week for a half-hour only" will be hard because I've been going for nearly twenty years, six to seven times a week, for about two hours per session, so this "prescription" feels like I practically have to quit.

I woke up this morning and layed in bed for nearly an hour thinking about what to do and eat today.

Oh yeah, one more thing: I'm giving up my driving privileges starting December 1st. So if you see me hitchhiking and pull over, yes, I'm going to kill you.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

I Am Not A Fan Of Small Talk, Idle Chit Chat, And Talking Fakey-Fake.

No wonder my favorite line from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" is "Okay, you know what? This isn't 'The View'. We can have a real discussion if you want."

Thursday, October 02, 2008

What Is The Opposite Of The Biggest Loser?

One of my doctors recommended I gain a pound a week for twenty weeks, and limit my exercise regimen to only a half hour three times a week (see entry from September 25th).

It's been two weeks, and today was the first weigh-in. After slices of delicious Chicago deep-dish pizza, endless ice cream sandwiches, and cheese fries up to my chin, I gained a whole pound.

Trust me, people- I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

I didn't feel like I failure, but I did feel a little disappointed.

She left me with something to think about for the next two weeks:

Ernie is a person who is driven by his own unrealistically high standards of exercising past the point of good health.

(Maybe I should put that on my profile.)

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Oh Mama, It's ChaCha!

"How many minutes are there in a day?"

"A friend of mine hates his job. He won't quit because they pay him well and he gets great benefits. I feel bad for the shmuck. What should I do?"

"I'm in Charleston, South Carolina, visiting my daddy in prison. Where is a good place to grab sushi?"

"Does a red pair of Jimmy Choo slingbacks go well with my black Donna Karan cocktail dress?"

Introducing chacha, where you text them any question or quandary in the world and a real person, not a computer, will do research to text you back with the best answer possible.

Go ahead and try it- it's absolutely FREE. No hidden charges, just type a question and send it to "chacha" (242242) and an answer to your question will bestow upon you.