To Mommies
I want to know whether this happened to you.
When a woman shifts from being childless to a mother, do they always lose their "mojo"? A couple of women I know were once glamorous, energetic, and took good care of themselve. But when they had children, they transformed. They let themselves go and committed to a life of sweatpants, infrequent bathing, and went into retirement from make-up and haircuts.
I understand that their child (or children) become a top priority for eighteen years or longer, but when do they start focusing on themselves again?
Pardon me if I sound critical and judgemental. But I find it slightly sad when some women lose their sense of self-worth and identity as they exclusively choose "motherhood" and forget about "womanhood".
(Oh boy. I think I just dug my own grave.)
posted by Ernie @ 8:22 PM
4 Comments:
I am a momma of two ...and what happens is you do sorta loose yourself ...you are pulled in 100 directions at once and hair/make up some times take a back seat ...initially ...then ...as kids get older ...many find their way back to realizing ...it's ok to do something for themselves!
"womanhood" = hair, makeup, and fashion?
Yes, you dug your own grave.
I think that is a fair question. I did lose myself in that glorious miraculous love of giving birth to a wonderful helpless adorable creature. That did last awhile. My mistake (wrong word really) was that I waited 10 years in between my kids so prolonged the stage. As I hit my 50's and my kids were more independent, I am now finding myself again, but still choosing time with them over doing things for myself (like going to a yoga class), but I am much better at it. Cause I learned that if I don't do things for me, when they leave (and they will), I won't have "me" either. Good question, Ernie!
I suppose your opinion is one way of viewing motherhood (or parenthood, for that matter), albeit it’s a myopic and extremely petty one. But I understand how it would be difficult for some people to comprehend the change that having a baby sparks in its parents, especially since the traits and emotions that emerge from good parents are ones in which you may not be intimately familiar (such as, frugality and total self-sacrifice). The outward change is definitely more apparent in mothers than fathers, though this makes a lot of sense when you consider that the woman gained between 20 and 40 pounds (or 80!), not to mention a whole shoe size, increased her blood volume 50%, strained her joints and muscles to their limits, and experienced a whole host of other symptoms due to hormonal changes as she grew another human being. Then there’s the whole labor and delivery, where many other physical and emotional changes occur, many of which will be permanent. And then the post-partum fun begins as hormone levels again go berserk, milk painfully comes in (either in too large a quantity or too little – and it’s almost always one or the other it seems), body parts that used to be firm and five inches higher are now soft and squishy and droopy. But the real change comes when the woman (and man) comes to understand the enormity of what she (they) now is (are): a parent who is completely responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of another human being now and for many years to come. But there’s little time to dwell on that reality between every-two-hour (if you’re lucky) feedings and diaper changes while trying to keep herself minimally fed and rested. When things finally settle down about a year later, the mother may be able to find the time to do some exercise and other small things for herself, but her focus probably will not be on designer labels, acquiring the latest fashion, or scrutinizing what others’ are wearing because she’d rather focus her attention on the more meaningful aspects of life. I don’t think these changes mean, at least for most, that she’s lost her identity, and I’m quite sure she understands her self worth (she’s somebody’s everything now). As for womanhood, I think it’s only after becoming a mom that she truly understands what being a woman is. It’s too bad you find that sad.
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