Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall
Mark, an extremely talented Asian actor from NYC came down and spent the weekend with us. His handsome looks and flawless vocals only made me think he deserved bigger and better roles on Broadway.
As I got ready for his last dinner here in D.C., I showered, got dressed, and then loooked in the mirror, thinking the only difference between between Mark and I was that I wore glasses. I could never be more wrong. What stared at me from the mirror was a man with one eye sewn shut, the other eye halfway open. His body looked skinny and frail, with thinning hair that barely held its faux-hawk hairstyle despite the substantial amount of product that was just applied. His colorfully-daring clothes masked how he felt on the inside: insecure and tired of fighting cancer.
It depressed me. I was once like Mark: handsome, strong, and someone people chased after. Now I look like a legally blind, skinny, funny-looking Asian who people pity so much that strangers on the subway and on the sidewalk ask him if he needs help.
posted by Ernie @ 7:00 PM
2 Comments:
I have been told (by someone who is universally good-looking) that when one has great physical beauty as the world sees such things, you never can tell if people are attracted to you for who you are or just for what you look like, which makes for a fragile, insecure and often lonely existance. Who can you trust to be REALLY loving you and not just your abs & cheekbones?
But when through age or accident the outside beauty is lost, you can then be sure that the love you are receiving is genuine and intended for WHO you really are, not what you look like.
At that point, those who were gods become men and the healing begins.
Sweet man, we delighted in what you looked like but we always LOVED who you were -- then and now.
Can you feel it?
Ernie, you will always be beautiful because real beauty is not something one can see, it is what one is and baby, YOU IS!
As I age, I have to let go of the illusion that somehow there is a physical perfection I have to obtain, because I would rather be with YOU anyday and look into your eyes and see YOU than to look at all of the "perfect" people in the world. Ernie, to those that love you and the last I counted, we number over a thousand, YOU ARE BEAUTY. Try to get a new mirror that is a little hazier ;>}
Love,
Elly
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