The Official Word From Me

I can't believe this is happening. There is a monster inside of me, alive, breathing, and growing. While it may not grow too fast, it's getting larger, and it's smart enough to multiply itself in other places. Places where there's no room for anything else.

What am I doing? What am I feeding it? It was asleep for several months, but someone or something woke it up, and now it's haunting me and causing chaos with my feelings.

What's in store for me? Not chemo- it didn't work. Not radiation- my body has "maxed out" on the amount that is considered safe.

Another surgery- no. I'm not going to go through another one. They're hard on the body, horrifically difficult and painfully slow to recover from.

Maybe this is it. Maybe the doctors will say something like, "There's not much more we can do- there's no more options possible at this point." Maybe this is where that disgusting monster inside of me gets to slowly inhabit more and more of my body. It'll start taking over things, one by one, causing problems in my normal day of living. First, hand coordination. Balance. Speaking. Eating. Walking. Breathing.

Or maybe this is when divine intervention will step in. God will say, "Enough!" and the monster will cease to exist.

Like any normal human being, I try to predict the future, but I've done it too many times and was wrong. The thing inside of me has a life of its own and nothing I've done so far has killed it.