The Fog

I started a new cycle of chemo last Thursday. The weekend came and went with me being only half there mentally. The other half felt like a hazy dream, where I'm covered in a greasy, syrupy goo that completely covered me. Everything in me and around me seemed to move in a sluggish molasses-like motion.

And I can't help but feel like being alive like this sucks. No matter how much I get, or what time of day it is, my body and brain feels like it's always 4AM.

I'm always glad when the day is over with. I don't need to have energy, I don't have to smile and pretend I'm okay, I just wipe away what cloudy memories I have of the day, crawl into bed and dread waking up just to do it all over again.